Come a little closer.
Can we talk about something… embarrassing?
I really really like the Sharknado movies. Ever since I was a young lad working in the smallest shafts of the coal mines where full-grown adults could not fit, I’ve loved movies that are intentionally stupid, that make fun of themselves. In formative days, these included Attack of the Killer Tomatoes and The Toxic Avenger. Later I grew to love bad movies that didn’t know how bad they were, such as Dante’s Peak and Galaxina.
But today we live in a golden age, a time when movies about shark tornadoes are made by the half-dozen! Their premise, as I recall, is that strange weather patterns over the ocean result in, wait for it, tornadoes that are filled with sharks. Tornadoes. In the air. Filled with sharks. Reflect on that for a moment.
The basic plot of each movie is that people are being killed by flying sharks and everything appears to be hopeless. Our hero, Fin Shepard, tries to reunite his family, save kids trapped on a school bus and generally preserve the future of humankind. Meanwhile, flying sharks eat people. On the fly. In the air.
A dumb idea, but one that knows it’s dumb! In one of the later movies a character says something like, “How can these sharks breathe in the air?” And therein lies the beauty of this series. Nothing is remotely believable or possible, yet people continue to get eaten by sharks.
But it’s the sheer ridiculousness of, well, everything that makes this movie dynasty so entertaining. Take for example one moment from the third entry in the series. A minor character loses one arm, two arms, one leg, two legs via shark attacks. In a last ditch effort to save everyone else, he pushes a self-destruct button with his head (remember, no limbs), thereby destroying many sharks, as well as himself. Our savior Fin comments, “It’s too late. We can’t save him.” C’est magnifique!
Moments like this are plentiful. It’s kind of like Mystery Science Theater, except the commentators are in the movie rather than watching it. These shark movies just might fill the void in your chest that sucks you dry each and every night after work. (Note: Sharknado is not guaranteed to fill the void in your chest that sucks you dry each and every night after work.)
Titles in this educational series include Sharknado (2013), Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014), Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (2015), Sharknado: The 4th Awakens (2016), Sharknado 5: (Global Swarming) and The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time! (2018).
So take a little chance, if you’re feeling lucky, and check out this series. And remember, wait 60 minutes after eating before watching Sharknado.