Whenever I hear the Beatles song “You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away,” I think of the loneliest 3 A.M. soul huddled in bed scribbling in a notebook about how much in love they are but they can’t tell anyone and it’s eating them alive. Or maybe that’s just me. Last week.
We live in an age when we can declare our feelings from the rooftops, hire a sky writer, and hire a four man mariachi band to follow our love interest around (for some reason all of my ideas would probably land me in jail or with a glovebox full of restraining orders.) We don’t have to hide our love. Unless that love is for your sister’s husband. But that’s a story for another day.
In John Boyne’s The Heart’s Invisible Furies, Cyril Avery is born in Ireland at the end of WWII. His mother, a 16-year-old unwed mother, is chased out of town by the parish priest. She travels a few hours away and has her child. She gives him up for adoption. Cyril is adopted by two people who should have never been parents. They aren’t cruel to him, but they aren’t very loving and always remind him he’s not a ‘real Avery.’
When Cyril is 8 he meets Julián Woodbede, a boy who is everything Cyril is not: beautiful, bubbly, and beloved by almost everyone. When Cyril reaches his teens he realizes he’s in love with Julián. But this is 1950s Ireland where God’s hand is in everything and being gay is illegal. Cyril never confesses his love to Julián, although that love is the only thing he holds onto as he grows up.
Sex is never a loving event but furtive and quick, something done in the shadows or bathrooms. The threat of police raids hangs over every encounter. Cyril makes a life changing decision that sets him on a path he never expected, throwing his life into chaos. Will Cyril become loved and be able to love in return or will he spend the rest of his life sitting on his bed and scribbling about love in a notebook? Will he return to a changed Ireland where loving a man is considered a heavier sin than birth control?
The Heart’s Invisible Furies left me in tears. And I don’t cry uncontrollably. Unless I’m watching Dumbo. God, cue the water works on that one. But this book still has me wondering how Cyril’s doing and if he ever truly found the love he needed. I wonder if any of us find the love we’ve always needed.